A Farmhouse Story

This is the story of how one wife/mother of six talked her husband into leaving their very suburban very comfortable (air conditioned) home for her very country very old (not air conditioned) dream house. Although she spent almost the entirety of her youth working on a horse farm pursuing her passion for riding, she was not quite prepared for the adventure that lay ahead. There were so many questions to find answers too: What is a boiler? Why is there a pressure gauge on it? Can it explode? How do you fix it? What is a tractor? Where do you buy one? How do you fix it? What is a brush hog? What is a pull behind mower? How do you fix it? How do you fix fencing? How do you fix anything and everything? How do you safely remove ticks? How do you prevent them in the first place? Is that raccoon or bear poop? How do you chop up a tree? How do you burn a tree? How do you start a real fire (not in a fire pit)? Will. they. DIE? How do you live without air conditioning? What do you do when the only clothing store in town is Walmart (spoiler: you buy your clothes at Walmart and LIKE it). Her husband was born and raised a city boy but you would now never know it; he now hunts deer on their own property and eats it (actually they all do. They tell their kids its beef and their mother uses lots of salt). Her children routinely bring wild animals into the kitchen without thinking twice and either A) ask to keep them as pets and when she says “no” B) asks if they can cook them for dinner (you say shrimp/they say crayfish). They fall asleep to the sound of coyotes at night and wake up to honking geese in the morning. This former suburban housewife used to dream of pinterest worthy mudrooms off her kitchen (one pair of sparkling clean hunter boots staged nicely next to a plaid Burberry scarf and one well weathered but perfectly classy umbrella). She is now living an altered/morphed version of that dream…there IS a mudroom off the kitchen it’s just 10 steps down into the basement, lots of boots, none of them Hunter, none of the clean, no scarves, no umbrellas, just mud…so much mud. They dream of turning their small piece of land into a nice little hobby farm/homesteader paradise but right now they are still struggling to construct their chicken coop. How many eggs do chickens lay? If their kids eat a dozen of eggs in one sitting how many eggs do they need? Scratch the coop, they need a chicken barn. In their spare time this husband and wife duo are gluttons for punishment so their children are also homeschooled. Their family motto is “so much to do/so little money/so much grass to cut/why do our kids eat so much food?” Life is full and God is good, this is their farmhouse story.

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